WEIGHT LOSS OR CHANGING A PATTERN IS A CHANCE TO REALLY KNOW YOURSELF... MAYBE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. ARE YOU READY TO MEET YOURSELF?
After a lifetime of dealing with eating disorders, and now working with clients as a personal trainer and a health coach, I realized that changing a habit of any sort is so scary and hard because it introduces you to all the parts of yourself you weren’t allowed to be or feel, and that a major shift happens when you stop fearing them and instead allow them to be part of you.
Breaking any major pattern, for many people, could actually be the first time that you are truly getting to know and accept yourself. It may be the first time you look within and start to feel all of the things that you haven’t felt before, that you didn’t want to face, that you couldn’t stand seeing about yourself, or even traumas that hold so much pain.
Who you are is something you can create moment to moment. You aren’t any of the things that happened to you, you aren’t just your emotions or feelings, but you are an accumulation of how all of those things manifested in your actions. And by changing the patterning of addictive behaviors you are getting a first-hand look at what made you what you are right now.
Weight gain, addiction, coping mechanisms, negative thoughts, self harm, etc, are all methods to avoid your feelings. Now, although your feelings are not necessarily all of who you are, they are an expression of yourself that allow you to be who you are in that moment.
Emotions and feelings are access points to the present moment, a clue to what’s working or not working in your life, and a compass leading to what your belief systems are.
So, if you’ve spent a lifetime not feeling those things, there is going to be a major disconnect within you- there will be the you you’ve created to be pleasing to the world and its conditions- by bypassing what your needs, feelings, and emotions are for the sake of those around you or an image you are trying to maintain. And then there is the you that you authentically want to be and can create your reality from.
Basically inside your brain your programmed self is reigning champion of your neural pathways, so every time your authentic self comes up (with a desire to lose weight, change, etc) that programmed you is going to try to bitch slap the shit out of the authentic you for survival. Out of fear- because that’s the only way it (you) knows how to exist.
You have to strengthen the authentic you. You have to discover what the authentic you really wants out of life- not what you’ve been told, taught, coerced or guilted into feeling, lied to about, etc. But what your mind, body, and soul are leading you towards. You have to start listening to it. You have to accept, love, acknowledge all the parts of you that you avoided. This is an exploration, a journey, and an unfolding. It does not happen overnight, and it is often a very erratic path that leads you to the four corners of your own inner world before you re-surface as the authentic self.
In the embracing of the parts of you that you’ve so desperately tried to hide away, you finally become whole. It doesn’t mean that you let those parts dominate or that you have to live forever in past trauma. Far from it. Usually if you can surrender and accept an emotion as it comes up, it will pass within a few minutes and a calm takes over.
Over time, using this approach of listening to the authentic self, you discover who you are by being the person you WANT to be, not the person you were programmed to be, or have been . As long as you live in that programmed self, you will be at the mercy of the demons in your closet. The shadow aspects of your mind. They don’t just go away. And the more you try to hide them or avoid them, the more powerful they become.
I would encourage you to be open to accepting any negativity towards your weight and the weight loss process as such a burden and try shifting your perspective around it. I get it, trust me- I know what it means to hate being overweight. And I probably would have bitch slapped someone telling me to look at my extra 50 pounds as an opportunity to get to know myself when I was overweight and struggling to lose it.
But, in hindsight, and as I now face other serious challenges with breaking old programming and patterns, I can see and use that shift in mentality. I can reprogram the negative thoughts by being with the highly uncomfortable feelings and actions and see them as an opportunity to become the creator of my life. To bless and love the parts of me that are surfacing and that have so faithfully served me, and realize I now have tools to use better methods when I’m ready to use them. But until I do choose to be in my authentic self, or learn to be that naturally, I’m going to love and accept the shit out of my programmed self and habits, not to be their slave or continue to be at their mercy, but because it’s how to become whole. It’s how to become the most authentic version of myself. At 36 years old, it’s finally becoming ok for me to be who I am. Demons and all.